Tag Archives: inner voice

New Month, New Challenges: Vegan MoFo and Photo A Day

Posted on October 2, 2012 | 1 Comment

A couple of weeks ago in a moment of inspiration or insanity I signed this blog up for the Vegan Month of Food (Vegan MoFo) challenge, whereby I am commiting to write about vegan food during the month of October.  I have been wanting to add some recipes and food inspiration to this blog, so I figured this is a perfect opportunity to get that started.  I also had started this blog with the (well of) intention of chronicling beating down the inner voice that keeps me from meeting my goals.  Then after I filled out the Vegan MoFo form, I thought, what have I done?  A major life goal that I accomplished from starting this blog through today has been um, having a baby, with whom I am currently full-time mothering and exclusively breast-feeding.  So now I have a tiny human who has entirely recalibrated what I considered to be accomplishment.  Did a load of laundry? Score!  Walked the dog?  Booya!  On the bright side of that, I seldom feel lousy for not meeting my goals, since my targets have become pretty mundane.

But I need to step it up (or perhaps set myself up for failure?) so I’m now entering the month of October with the intention of writing at least 20 blog posts about vegan food with self-doubt, a small person, and my voracious writer’s block threatening to thwart these plans.  Putting this further in context, I haven’t written 20 posts since I started this blog over a year ago.  But here I go!

Though we don’t have to pick a theme to blog around, mine is loosely Whole In, Junk Out.  When I cook it will be made with whole foods, local New York produce and gluten-free, and when I eat out, it will be undoubtedly satisfying some craving.  All will be whatever is easiest with a baby and very often, consumed one-handed.

And since one personal challenge apparently isn’t enough for me, I’m also committing to Photo A Day October, which I’ll be tweeting from Instagram (@wellofintention).

For the record I wrote this with my son sleeping on my chest, while I slumped in our easy chair so that he was propped up and I had both hands free.  Occasionally I stopped to give him a little nuzzle to his plump cheek.  Now he’s nursed and snuggling into my shoulder while I prepare to hit “Publish”.

This is looking eminently doable…

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Posted in Vegan MoFo

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If a Blog Post Happens in the Forest, Is it Still a Blog Post?

Posted on September 17, 2011 | Leave a comment

People are reading this blog and asking for more. Eek!  Cue the performance anxiety.

I changed my email address this past week with a prefix of “wellofintention”, and added an autosignature of “Check out my blog!” – done dutifully as my How to Blog Gotham Writers Workshop teacher had instructed.

Then I started floundering about it.

I imported my contacts into my new email account, taking needless hours to do so.  I decided I needed a quote in the autosignature as a buffer right before the “Check out my blog!” to soften it up a bit.  I spent hours combing through quote websites mulling it over to myself.

Should I have a Margaret Mead quote?  Yes, a woman quote would be excellent.  Well, the “never doubt a small group” quote is so overplayed.  Gandhi?  Well again, the “be the change” quote is used a lot.  Audre Lorde?  Benjamin Franklin?  Really want a woman, Lily Tomlin?  What’s a good “intention” quote?  Who’s my favorite historical figure?   Do I even HAVE a favorite historical figure?  I don’t think I do!  What does that SAY about me?

I looked and looked and read and read many, many quotes (ahem, stalling) and finally settled on the short-n-sweet Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James

Meanwhile, I drafted the note about my new email and stared at it for 2 days.  The inner voice declared people are going to think I’m full of myself if I ask them to read my blog.  I added people to the BCC list.  I took people off.  I stared some more.  The inner voice said they are going to cringe when they see how much personal information I’m sharing.  I reasoned with myself, if I put the link in, they won’t even click on it.  Stared at the email; tweaked the text slightly.  What are people going to think of me?

Then when I managed to exhaust myself thinking, mulling, staring, and reasoning, I just did the easy thing: I went into my Drafts folder, pulled up the email and clicked send.

THEN, I discovered the link to my blog didn’t work.  Back to the inner debate.  Do I let them all know? Maybe they won’t notice since they won’t click on it anyway!  Then perhaps because I was very tired of myself at that point, a crystal clear choice presented itself – if you send out a faulty link, it needs to be corrected.  So I sent a follow-up email with the correct link.  Eek!

And the response has been humbling.  Emails came in, texts were sent, comments on the blog were made.  Friends I hadn’t heard from in a while wrote to catch up.  My dad (lovingly) called me a “pain in the neck” for changing my email.  My aunt asked me if I’d seen the pictures of her new puppy.  My social worker student friend told me she loves me.  The gal who was my FIRST friend when I moved to NYC, wrote “Robby! I LOVE the blog. Very honest and interesting.” Another friend wrote “cool blog!” and invited me to read as well as be featured on HER blog.  A special friend of mine said she has been following it and wanted me to know that she’s always there for me, to call anytime.  A text came in from a dear friend that she read the blog and she misses me.  Another friend who’s taken up running commented on the blog that she’d like to run with me some time.  A close friend told me the name of the blog makes her think of yoga.  A sweet friend wrote she’s looking forward to reading about my progression.  A lovely friend of my mom’s comments on Mourning Glory welled me up with tears, plus another friend wrote I inspired him to call his mom.  This is in addition to Facebook comments of “I’m hooked!” – from a friend and my mother-in-law!

All of this moved me, and I would never have known a bit of it had I not decided to push through all the crap that was holding me up and just send out the damn email letting my world know about this blog.

We tend to think that sharing ourselves is a selfish act, but by doing this it builds a bridge between us and the people in our lives.  And it’s not that hard.  It’s much more difficult to wrangle with doubt and exhaust yourself than it is to just sweep it aside and get on with your life.

I now have 17 Facebook “Likes” and 6 blog subscribers!  Woohoo!  (Eek!)

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Posted in Ready? Write!, Tales of Transformation

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How I Saved My Marriage in Three Easy Steps

Posted on September 3, 2011 | Leave a comment

I’m a newlywed, having just been married to a incredible man this past January.  But  few months into it, we were stressed, tense and unhappy.  He cringed when I walked through the door and I perused Craigslist for a new apartment.  Then I

made a few changes and voilà, it’s a new marriage.  A happy marriage.

What did I do?  I’ll say first that having a happy relationship is not hard.  Yes, that’s right, not hard.  The little voice in your head objects…But how can you say that?  Or…Oh, she’s a newlywed, we’ll see how she feels after 5+ years!  The conventional wisdom is that romantic relationships are WORK, they aren’t meant to be easy, they require compromise and commitment, which doesn’t come easily to the average homo sapien.

Blah, blah, blah.  Conventional wisdom is conventional crap.

My Step One: I did what I said I was going to do.

When we adopted our dog, Jessy, I agreed to walk her in the evenings that I was home.  Then when those times came, many times I made excuses, “I’m tired”…”My back hurts”…”I don’t feel well”.  So he walked the dog and I sat on the couch and felt even worse.  It’s pretty exhausting to invent an excuse, state it aloud, fool myself into believing I’m believable, believe it myself, wash, rinse, repeat.  It’s quite simple for me to just pick up the leash, get my lazy ass off the

couch, and enjoy a walk with my (very cute) dog.

My Step 2:  I am my own example.

My husband has a variety of interests.  He LOVES watching wrestling with his friends, performing in shows, seeing friends and family, vegging on the couch, going to the movies.  He LOVES going out to Long Island, where he grew up, to do much of this.  This bothered me.  I felt that we weren’t a connected couple, I

moaned that he was immature and silly.  That he wasn’t a husband.  (For the record, those are pretty horrible things to say.)  And what was I doing?  I made my own plans, I pursued my own interests.  Once, I refused to go to a steak house with him and his fellow cast members after a performance (tell me, how did that stance help animals?)  Our marriage became transformed when I simply

participated in his life.  It was much harder to bear my teeth, slam doors when wrestling was on, and bitch incessantly, than it it was to simply join him.  Sit and watch a pay-per-view wrestling event, and ask him questions about the story lines.  Be an involved, smiling, and supportive wife.  When we got married, I promised to honor his individuality.  And by keeping that promise and living how I want our marriage to be, I have an involved, smiling, and supportive husband.  Someone who feels pain when I’m pained and ecstatic when I’m

overjoyed.  Someone who’s happy to see me when I walk through the door.  And I can unabashedly say, watching wrestling is not so bad.  I enjoy it a little.

Bryan & Robyn Blade: World Tag Team Champions

My Step 3:  I realized I’m not “right” and he’s not “wrong”.

When my husband wants to stay out on Long Island a few nights in a particular week, he’s not wrong.  It’s just what he wants to do, which has nothing to do with me.  We argued about that for many months, which was hard.  It’s much easier for me to be at peace with it and say, “Have fun, honey!” And guess what?  He looks forward to seeing me and doesn’t need to get away from me anymore.  HMPH!

Not keeping my commitments, being hypocritical, and complaining/nagging erodes my relationship with my husband, no matter how small it is.  It also makes me a sucky, unhappy and exhausted person.  Am I perfect?  No.  But now when something comes up and I feel myself reverting to my old ways, I sit myself down and have an inner conversation that goes something like this:

Me: OK, so why does this bother you?
Inner voice: Well, he’s wrong!
Me: He’s not wrong, that’s just the way he feels.
Inner voice: But, but, that’s so wrong!
Me: How about you let it go, that would make you feel better…
Inner voice: Okaaaay…

If necessary, I then apologize to my husband for making him wrong and treating him unjustly.  Then I take a deep breath and feel awash with happiness and love for him.  Easy-peasy.

Maybe if there are folks out there reading this with a loved one they wish they were closer with, they could make a few similar changes and have a transformed relationship as well as live with themselves better.

After all, it’s not very hard.

P.S. This blog post is husband-approved.

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Posted in Family Friendship, Tales of Transformation

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